There is an article titled the " Four most meaningful advices about life" circulating on the internet. The story goes like this:

One young boy asked a wise elder: "How can I be a happy person myself and also bring joy to others?" The wise elder said, " You are very special as you are young but you are thinking of such important things in life. I would like to give you four pieces of advice. The first advice is: Treat yourself as others. Do you understand its meaning?".

The boy answered "Does it mean that when I am sad, I should think of others and I will not feel too sad. When I am happy, I should think of others, I will not be overjoyed and become a conceited person? The wise elder nodded his head with a smile. " Tell me what is the meaning of treating others as yourself?", the old man asked.

The young boy thought for a while and answered: "I should think of others first. When misfortunes falls upon others, I should offer my sympathy and extend my support.".

The elder man's eyes were brightened and he continued: "What about the third advice: Treat others as others?" The young boy answered: " It means that we should respect uniqueness and individuality in others and not take anybody for granted."

The Elder was very happy, " You are a bright young boy." The fourth advice is: "Treat yourself as yourself. It is the hardest advice to understand and you can take your time to meditate on it."

The young boy said: "Your four advices seem self contradictory and illogical." The Elder said, "You have to apply them to your life and you will see the logic and their deep meanings gradually."

According to the story, that young boy turned out to be a successful man later and made great contributions during his life. Everyone he has encountered remembers him with great fondness. He is a happy man and brings great joy to many people.

How to explain the fourth advice: "Treat yourself as yourself?" The author put this question to the reader.

I got this article from my sister, Julia, and I shared it with colleagues at GLV. Many colleagues offered their explanations. I am trying to offer my explanation as well.

It seems to me that question of treating oneself as oneself is similar to the question of "Who am I?".

In 1988, I was 27 years old. After 10 years of trying, I finally realized my American dream and went to study in the USA . I was full of dreams to westernize myself and become an American. After a three month honeymoon with USA , I realized the meaning of the line. Blood is thicker than water. My head was full of western ideas but my stomach, my blood and my heart rebelled. I realized that I was a Chinese and I learned to appreciate that in the USA .

I returned to China with my wife and 5 month old son in 1993. I was 32 years old and I started to fulfill my responsibilities towards my parents. I felt that I should not drift any more.

I turned 42 in 2003. After some time of conflicts and confrontations with my wife, I started to appreciated sacrifices and struggles my wife had gone through all these years moving around the world with me. At the 5th anniversary party of GLV, I thanked my wife for her contributions and support for the first time. My wife had often complained that she had three kids - our two children and myself!

Around Nov. 2003, the American principal of GLV asked to step down and became a regular teacher. I had no choice but to deal with many touchy issues of recruitment, discipline and all the complaints and disputes at GLV. I could not pass the buck to anyone else any more. I realized that it is not easy to be the leader.

In June 2004, I went back to Hangzhou to attend my nephew's wedding. My sisters and I invited all the old classmates, primary school teachers and neighbors for a big party at a local tea house. Many of them had not seen each other for years. There was so much excitement and joy. Amid all the noises and laughter, I realized where I belonged most and where my roots are. Simple is beautiful.

In June 2004, my wife took a trip back to Colombia for her sister's wedding and I was home with two kids. One day after my wife left, my son was diagnosed with chicken pox. Two weeks later, my daughter got it. I was home bound for four weeks caring and keeping company with the two kids. For the first time I realized what it means to be a father. I also came to a new understanding for the struggles of single parent families for both the kids and parents as well as a new appreciation for my wife in her role as a mother.

In July 2004, I was invited to attend the graduation ceremony of the Guangzhou English Training Center for the Handicapped. The excellent performances done by these handicapped students gave me much inspiration. Two years ago, I visited that center with a few teachers from GLV. We were also touched by the spirit of the students and we all hoped to do something for the school. Two years has passed but we have done almost nothing other than hiring two graduates from that center. I suddenly realized that we are handicapped in some ways. GLV is also a handicapped school. The real handicap is not just physical but emotional and spiritual.

Life is a journey of self-discovery, self-awareness and self-realization. The real hero is not the one who conquers the world but the one who conquers himself. If one does not know oneself, how can help others, the world and life itself?

An ancient Chinese sage once said: "Self knowledge is the most difficult knowledge of all. Knowing others is knowledge but knowing oneself is wisdom. Detachment from oneself is a life long struggle."

The advice, "treat yourself as yourself" seems like an easy question but it will take one life-time to find its true answer.

Written in Chinese on August 10, 2004, Translated in English on Sept.26, 2004